Obedience

I have been struggling with obedience lately. I think that in general, I am a pretty obedient person by nature. As a teenager, I was scared to death to do anything too major in fear of disappointing my parents, teachers, etc. However, while on our way to church yesterday, I figured out what my problem is lately. You see, in order to be OBEDIENT, you have to be 100% obedient. You have to put aside your will, your desires, your passions and follow those of someone else. The funny irony in all of this, is as I have been studying the life of Moses, I have been quick to judge the Israelites for their disobedience and general lack of faith. But lately, I have been looking at my own circumstances and realized shamefully that it isn't that much different. You see, I have been giving God my 90% and thinking that I am pretty good with myself. However, partial obedience is still disobedience in God's eyes (most parental eyes too).

Then I was taught the lesson that if you are obedient in beginning the process, God will make sure to complete the lesson we are to learn. I hate this part. I recently started on a path of obedience, feeling proud of myself. But now the path is beginning to get hard, the direction is uphill, and I want to quit. I want to jump ship and not be obedient anymore. I know that this is wrong, I know what God still wants me to do, it is just that my heart isn't in it anymore. As fate would have it, in this area Mr. C. is totally excited about the possibilities, and therefore it makes me submit on two fronts: one to God, and one to Mr. C. I will keep you posted.....for this is going to be a journey.